Verity Reign Says . . .

While choosing to stay in unhealthy relationships when you have all ability to escape disturbs me, I can learn to accept it. If you’re happy being unhappy, then who am I? But if you choose to tolerate his tomfoolery—whether running around with anything that has a lady part, or refusing to put down his perfectly rolled blunt to go get a job—then please,please do not call your girlfriends at all times of morning, day and night to cry and complain about his behavior. As the official innocent-friend-who-didn’t-sign-up-to-be-your-relationship-therapist poster child, I yell for us all when I scream, “WE DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT, AGAIN!” Once or twice or maybe even 3 times, we’re all ears and smart mouth, saying, “Unh-Unh! No he didn’t, girl. You deserve better. You are smart and gorge!” Out of sympathy, we’ve cried with you, let you stay over and took you out for cocktails and pedis. We’ve encouraged you time and time again to take note of his consistent pattern, telling you that he’s not going to change and the best thing you can do is to just walk away. We’ve given you examples of independent, sometimes struggling but still boss chicks who raise the kids by themselves just so you know that you can do it too. We’ve done over and beyond our part, and if we could go back in time and delete the day you first met him we’d do that too; but we can’t.

Not at all trying to be harsh, but as a former go-to when he’s acting up friend in my clique, it’s a very draining and tiring thing. It’s even taken a toll on some of my friendships. My declining patience led to my bluntness, which led to the use of my ignore button, which led to my friends getting offended. You don’t want your homegirls to get to the point where they start ducking and dodging your phone calls because they already know that 9 times out 10 it’s because Tyrone is out all night again. When you’re really tired of settling for B.S. and ready to move on—for good this time—then by all means, call us. We’ll be your biggest cheerleader, supporting you every step of the way and strengthening you on those extra vulnerable days. But until then, don’t keep burdening us with the weight of your toxic relationship that you do nothing about because you’re so in love with someone more than you are with yourself. Not judging because most of us have played the fool at some point, but when is enough enough? At some point you have to be a big girl, walk away and stop being victimized by high school and undergrad pimp game. One of my role models Tracey Ferguson, EIC of Jones  magazine, tweeted, “If you settled for it, don’t complain about it.” Keep this in mind if you’re that homegirl who constantly vents to your clique about your no-good man but for whatever reason can’t seem to shake him loose.

Are you the constantly crying chick or the tear-catching girlfriend? Share your experience(s) regarding this topic!

*This post obviously doesn’t apply to women who feel trapped in volatile relationships. If you’re a victim of domestic abuse please go visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline at thehotline.org to seek out professional help in your area.Just letting truth rule,

Verity Reign!