Complete or Comfort?

“Look for someone who has a complete life without you in it. Because then you know that you’re just together because you want to be.” –Kirstie Alley

Maybe some of you have seen the movie “Jerry McGuire” and remember the line “You complete me”. Or have heard the song “Incomplete” by Sisqo of Dru Hill. These examples are what most of our society try to emulate when getting involved in a relationship. They look for someone to make them feel complete or to define them in some way or another. In most cases, they look for someone to make them feel good. A means to an end. In my opinion, that’s a lot of pressure to place on someone. And it’s more likely that the relationship won’t last because those expectations are impossible to live up to. In relationships, whether its’ friendship, romantic, etc., if there is one party that relies more heavily on the other for various things such as money, love, comfort, support, etc., the one that is expected to provide these things can become resentful, controlling, and lonely. Which will lead to them leaving, staying because they feel obligated, or cheating. But two people who are their own person before meeting gives them the opportunity to grow within as well as outside the relationship. Knowing that you’re with the other person for no other reason other than the fact that you enjoy that person adds life to the relationship. It also builds and strengthens trust and independence. It’s ok if he hangs out with his friends without you. This gives you time to enjoy yourself, or to have a girl’s night. It’s fine if he doesn’t say “I Love You” everyday, because it’ll mean so much when he does. Don’t worry about finding the right man or finding Mr. Right. Work on becoming the right woman and the woman that you want to be and Mr. Right will fall right into place.

-Nique

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