Dear Bentley

Pinks
Relationships One to Many: Part II
Why People are afraid of Commitment
          As a little girl, we all dream of our fairytale wedding with our prince, but once we get older and live life, our outlook changes; through experiencing good and bad relationships, being in the single realm, dating pool, and focusing on our careers. We always feel that the one we are with is a great person, but God may have someone better in store. Men and women tend to get stuck in relationship limbo…“I always thought I’d have this magical moment where I would meet someone and there’d be this instant clicking and we would literally be married six months later,” a girl says. SORRY…IN TODAY’S SOCIETY, THAT 40’s, WWII IMAGE DOES NOT EXIST! We never seem to appreciate or commit to the one we are with. For many of us, falling in love — and deciding that yes, this time it’s meant to last forever — is not as easy as it seems.
          According to Airlines Magazine and Wired, there are five things that keep people from settling down:
1.    Your list of “must-haves” for a romantic partner is unattainable
2.   You’re unwilling to compromise in relationships
3.   You’re afraid of intimacy
4.   You pick partners that share your interests, but not your values and goals
5.   You believe there’s only one soul mate out there waiting for you
All five reasons are undeniably true. This may be even more true for men and women that are career driven and may have had unstable homes as children. They are afraid to submit and let their hearts speak. By taking a good look at your own place in the world and your values, you can recognize whether you’re dating the person you’re going to stay with long-term — or simply dating around
          Bentley Marie
  
**Got relationship questions? Email them to blondiesmag@gmail.com with “Dear Bentley” as the subject. (all identities will be kept confidential)

“Dear Bentley”

Pinks
-Meet our new anonymous advice columnist “Bentley Marie”. She’ll be sending you words of wisdom and answering all of your questions about love, relationships and anything dealing with the male/female mind. Email your questions to blondiesmag@gmail.com, put “Dear Bentley” as the subject.
Relationships: One to Many
In college, single, and loving it!!!
Since the male population is limited to damn near ZERO on college campuses, women are subject to being single. While some complain about this absence, many are embracing this time to mingle, find themselves, and just have fun!!  A good friend of mine says she loves being single, because she has options. Sorry men, women are becoming the players! Having options and not being tied down is something that women are now embracing. Since we out number you anyway in college, and there are less of you in the pot, hell we can chose who we want and who is just our play toy for the moment. Being single now-a –days is a “commonocity” “Commonocity”, is something that has become cliche or common in all cities. This “single life” is not only at HBCU’s but PWI’s as well. According to the New York Times, “Some women at the University of Vermont, with an undergraduate body that is 55 percent female, sardonically refer to their college town,…., as “Girlington.”Many college women are hanging with girlfriends instead of boyfriends. The population of male undergraduates is even smaller when you looked at it as a dating pool. “Out of 40 percent, there are maybe 20 percent that we would consider, and out of those 20, 10 have girlfriends, so all the girls are fighting over that other 10 percent, who more than likely are dogs anyway. Now I spent Valentine’s Day 2010 with a room full of single, college women. We had a great time laughing, talking and just enjoying “girl time”. Not saying it’s always a good thing being single, but I was and I loved the single life while it lasted. Once we start loving ourselves, and excepting being YOUNG, FABULOUS, AND SINGLE, then and only then will we be able to include the opposite sex!!!
-Bentley Marie

Life as the RB: Wisdom, Courage and the Drive to Move Forward (Part II)

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Trying to make the best of an unhappy situation takes focus and courage. It can be done. If you have been following the articles on Stupid Bitch Syndrome you are aware of its dangers. The most important danger being, losing oneself. Once you have accepted to live the life as a Recovering Bitch you’ll reap remarkable benefits that will make you feel like you can overcome any situation.
The RB has to first understand that the road to recovery is in fact a long road. The end of it may take some time reaching. This period of trotting is the perfect amount of time needed to focus on building the self. Take advantage of only having to worry about you. Do things that will ultimately contribute to your happiness. This is not the opportunity to “get loose,” but simply explore the world and live for you.
This journey will do two things. It will either make you or break you. You are officially in control of how you will bounce back from being a SB. Will you return to an unhappy situation or will you better yourself so you can be ready for the happy relationship? In order to successfully recover, right decisions and quick choices will have to be made. Prepare yourself to have to think and act on impulse. You never know what could be thrown at you on any given day. Set yourself up to react accordingly to unwanted phone calls, and apologies.
Your strength will be tested on numerous occasions. Its during this stage where past mistakes reappear. This presents you with the opportunity to not make the same mistake twice. You will get to the point where you will notice these situations and are able to move pass them. Don’t get caught up. A set back is not promising once you’ve reached the RB stage. Stay on top of your game.
There will be some high points, and not to mention the low ones. Music is a way to cope with negative situations. Sounds have a way to be very soothing. Yielding calmness and relaxation is a benefit of listening to music. Cry. Mediate. Breathe. Get it out of your system. Enduring the heartache and reflecting on what went wrong is a good way to advance in this stage of recovery.
Jhou
@_JayHue

Life as the RB: Wisdom, Courage and the Drive to Move Forward

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With the New Year only days in, it’s imperative that I start the articles on the Recovering Bitch. I’m talking about all of the people who don’t want to bring that unnecessary, unwanted, drama into the New Year with them. The RB focuses on the self. They must work on ways to make themselves feel wanted and appreciated. This has to be accomplished before they can give themselves to anybody else.
“Out with the old and in with the New.” People love to use this slogan when referring to the desire to move past unhappy relationships. This slogan is often heard at the beginning of the year. As a way to tell yourself “Its over!” But is it really? We have learned some of the qualities of a SB and can point that person out if we see or hear some of those SB characteristics. Now, a SB doesn’t stay a SB all of their life. Eventually, they come around. Often coming to realization that they deserve better. The beginning stage of the Recovering Bitch is when they, as an SB, remove themselves from any remnants of the past.
During the transition from SB to RB, a person is feeling completely lost. Its during this time that the SB is vulnerable. They are observing the relationship, placing fault on themselves, and even think about going back to their messy situation. How do you know you are transitioning to the stage of RB? Well, it’s the decision to ultimately want to fight for yourself, and no matter what emotions are present you decide not to go back.
In the next series of articles, we will examine the strength of the RB as they attempt to journey the road back to a healthy, happy life. I want my readers to gain an extra perspective on the things they need to know in order to move past being the SB. This information will be extremely useful and will successfully place the now RB back into the world as a useful member of society.
Stay tuned…
-JHou
Follow me @JayHue_TheMogul

SBS: A guide to a healthier mind (Finale)

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When a person is dealing with Stupid Bitch Syndrome, they tend to lose sight of reality. The reality that is needed in order to function with a decent amount of sanity.  I say “decent amount” because in some way, form or fashion we all are a little crazy. Sometimes, we place ourselves in situations where we know the outcome will not be to our liking, but we follow through with hopes that the situation will change.
In this article on Stupid Bitch Syndrome I want to address the concept of “change”. This idea corrupts the mind in ways that are not healthy to any individual. What makes this symptom so devastating is the fact that we can all agree on, “no one person can change an individual.” But, don’t we try anyway?
We hold on to the hope that a person will change their ways.  People, do come around and change.  But every change has a transitional period. It’s a process. It’s work that requires deep attention, and focus on the self.  In this transitional period of “change,” it’s okay to be down right SELFISH.  It’s this process that betters a person.  During this time though, being involved with someone is not the best idea.
The time it takes to get through this transitional period is the problem. Especially, when another party (meaning you) is involved. A Stupid B**** wastes time thinking that it’ll all come to pass. Not realizing, that determining when a person changes is virtually impossible. This process could take months, even years. Who has that kind of time?
Lets talk about the SB. A Stupid B**** places their happiness on hold, patiently waiting for the day their mate will change.  Although this is temporary the long term effects can be detrimental to your mind. 
During the mate’s transitional period, the SB feels:
Lonely
Confused
Unappreciated
Rebellious- in the sense of doing anything to make the mate mad.
The desire and hope to show someone a better outlook on life is a complete waste of time.  Patiently waiting for your lover to see the light yields these problems:
Unwanted headaches
More arguments about nothing
Lack of trust
Desire to cheat; although you may not engage in this activity
Who has the time for this?
If people use the same amount of energy to be productive maybe a lot of other statistics would be lowered (i.e., unwanted pregnacies, graduation rate, hell even divorces).
Ultimately, a couple can’t expect to prosper together if one or both parties have “changes” underway. When you decide to commit and be with somebody the change should have already occurred. The process now lies with working together to achieve better. Not one person, or both changing themselves for better.
This article is the last of Stupid B**** Syndrome. Stay tuned for the book. Next we will examine the 
 Recovering Bitch. This is the person who has fought the SBS and is ready to move forward with life.
-Jhou

SBS: A guide to a healthier mind (Part II)

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I decided to begin Stupid Bitch Syndrome by addressing the issue of TIME. Listening to people who have a strong case of SBS, I’ve concluded that the length of time a person has committed into a given relationship is a cause of why the disease is so prominient. A Stupid Bitch, places emphasis on time invested in hopes of justifying the reasons they deal with unnecessary mess. In this report from the guide we will examine why TIME itself should not be a factor in determining how a relationship progress.

Using TIME as a clutch, a person with Stupid Bitch Syndrome say things like but not limited to the following:
“We’ve been together forever, its something I can deal with it”
“Its been 3 years. I’m not going to let those years go to waste”
“Ill make it through this, its just a milestone”
Hypothetically, the first year was great. The second could be even better. The third was rocky, but you persevered. The fourth year you’re absolutely not happy but, the thought of the first two years consumes you with unbelieveable passion that you lose sight of the present situations. This allows for more malarky to manifest itself into your life. If TIME is something you dont want to waste, consider the length of TIME youll waste being unhappy.
Consider time in the manner of the aging process. If you’ve invested years into something thats not working, remember you’re only getting older. Does TIME determine when enough is enough? Yes. It does. If you’ve given enough TIME to make a situation work, it should only be a matter of TIME that you remove yourself from it, if there’s no progression. The length of TIME you should give is every person’s discretion however, keep in mind that TIME never stops. So its up to you to determine how long you will or should be unhappy.
If TIME is something that you consider valuable in a relationship then look to the future. How will it be in years to come? Can a future even be determined? No relationship should be based on past experiences. There’s no possible way for growth if a person is defining their happiness based on the past. Of course the first couple of months, or years will be amazing. I mean how else are you lured into the situation, SB. When your happiness is gone thats when your future should be the question.  The bottom line is, before more years are wasted on trying to recover happiness from the earlier moments, GET OUT! You only get one TIME to experience youth, and only one TIME to live. Happiness should be experienced over a course of a lifeTIME.

-JHou

SBS: A guide to a healthier mind

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contributed by JHue
The Intro….

There is an epidemic that’s been present for quite some time. A disease that creeps up on an individual and allows them to lose sight of themselves. Its an illness that overwhelms a person so much that they mistake negative aspects as positive reinforcements.

This ailment is called STUPID BITCH SYNDROME. To understand this concept one must clear their mind from the fact that the word “bitch” is being used. I want my readers to accept the term as just that. A term. Meaning the name itself shouldn’t afflict harm to any given individual. Its only used when individuals are in fact exhibiting such characteristics that apply to the term. In the excerpts to follow, I will give my readers parts of a guide that I hope will benefit them in ways that are ultimately life changing. The term can be applied to both sexes and is not limited to races or other demographics.

At some point in time we have all experienced this unhealthy situation. Some of us have even gone to the limits of accepting it as part of our everyday lives. So many people are caught up in relationships where ultimately they are not happy. They put up with things that are not healthy for themselves or the relationship period.

So who should read my excerpts on SBS? If you answer yes to at least one of the following questions, you should continue to read.

Have you ever….

looked in the mirror and asked yourself, “What am I doing here?”
Let an issue you know you dont agree with go unspoken?
Had to call on a friend to give you advice? Specifically, the advice you could have given yourself?
Convinced yourself that you were going to leave? Only to find yourself not packing anything
Said you were leaving, left, only to return?

These are only a few examples…probably the most prevalent in not working relationships. The ones that cause the unwanted headaches. As the guide continues to be written you will able to explore many options that define the signs and symptoms of the illness.

You may say to yourself. These are normal problems and that everybody go through things.  But who wants to be apart of ‘everybody?’ A person may also say when you are in love you learn to adapt to your partner’s flaws. This is when the early stage of SBS develops.

Why am I writing this? Well, I have noticed within myself and among others that we have found ourselves in unhappy situations that we ultimately have absolute control of. We just don’t get out before its to late. We succumb to our emotions and let them get the best of us. And that’s when we are stuck. Left to do things we know are not acceptable.

In the next couple of issues I will attempt to analyze the growing trends of Stupid Bitch Syndrome. Hopefully, I will be able to open the eyes of those who are involved in relationships that ultimately won’t work.Stay tuned….
JHue.

Seasons come and Seasons go

Pinks
Going through day to day life you will encounter several people and have some type of relationship with each one, be it associate, friend, co-worker, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc. Each one serves a different purpose for furthering our growth and development but a lot of times, especially when dealing with matters of the heart, we find it hard to let go once the relationship has run its course. This lack of letting go will eventually end in heartbreak but it doesn’t have to.
                As a young child we are taught the seasons of the year and during these seasons different things happen to the plants and animals. Spring is the time for planting, Summer is the time for growing, Autumn is the time for harvesting and Winter clears everything out to start fresh again in Spring. Relationships are the same way- you meet, get to know each other, gain benefits from the relationship but over time there is no longer an exchange and the relationship has met its end. “But how do I know when it’s time to clear out the old and start new?” That’s frequent questions that easiest to answer- Pay attention. When the seasons are changing we can tell from the temperature, length of days and vegetation- the same goes for us; the change could be in their attitude, actions in public and form of communication (or lack thereof). When you notice these changes communicate with the other person to see if it is something you can change to make the situation better, but if not it is best to bow out gracefully than to cling to something that’s no longer there.
No one ever said the process of letting go would be easy but it must be done or you will stifle your growth as a person over someone who undeserving of what you have to offer. Keep a close watch on the seasons in your relationship and never settle for less than you are worth. I am a firm believer that there is a perfect partner out there for everyone and that you should never give up until you find the one meant for you.