You Betta Say That!!!

Pinks

I was feeling some type of way last week & one of my Facebook friends posted this. I would be remiss if I didn’t share it with you lovelies here. Enjoy!

 

If you can’t see the video click here

Late Night Thoughts

Pinks

I jumped out the shower to share this with y’all. Hey, sometimes when something hits you you jus gotta write it down!
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I just moved & I was already in a rut 3 weeks in -one that didn’t include Blondie’s. Not my happiest of times either. But in my lack of entertainment (hadn’t hooked up the cable & my neighbor’s wifi wasn’t that reliable) I took the time to write. The passion that sparked what’s now Blondie’s Lipstick, the motive behind my broadcast journalism career, my original love that I always planned to return to. Had another moment like this one: fresh out the shower, idea/thought turning backflips in my head, headed straight to the MacBook or my spiral notebook to jot it down. I’m noticing a pattern…. Lol!

Anywho, the point of all this is whenever you get caught in a rut, feel lost, aren’t sure if you’re on the right path for your destiny, dig deep & tap into your passion. Like the pic says “Without passion life is nothing”!

One of my favorite spotlights Dukk made a video on this recently.

Forget a new year’s resolution, hell forget Monday! Start working towards the best you RIGHT NOW!!! No more excuses! You were meant for something great so why not do it?!! Idk about you but I have every intention to leave my mark, not just on GA, or even the US, but the world. Who’s with me?

Muah!

 

**PS**

Dukk is campaigning for a Shorty Award in the #Instagrammer category. Get to know him better HERE then vote for him HERE!! He’s the only young black male in the top 10, let’s get him to #1!!

Is Your Relationship Toxic?

Pinks

I was perusing Facebook, came across this article & had to share it with you guys! You may not like his honesty but before you get in your feelings realize you might be upset because he’s talking about YOU!

Article from Mark Manson

6 Toxic Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Normal

There’s no class in high school on how to not be a shitty boyfriend or girlfriend. Sure, they teach us the biology of sex, the legality of marriage, and maybe read a few obscure love stories from the 19th century on how not to be.

But when it comes down to actually handling the nitty-gritty of relationships, we’re given no pointers… or worse, we’re given advice columns in women’s magazines.

Yes, it’s trial-and-error from the get-go. And if you’re like most people, it’s been mostly error.

But part of the problem is that many unhealthy relationship habits are baked into our culture. We worship romantic love — you know, that dizzying and irrational romantic love that somehow finds breaking china plates on the wall in a fit of tears somewhat endearing — and scoff at practicality or unconventional sexualities. Men and women are raised to objectify each other and to objectify the relationships they’re in. Thus our partners are often seen as assets rather than someone to share mutual emotional support.

A lot of the self help literature out there isn’t helpful either (no, men and women are not from different planets, you over-generalizing prick). And for most of us, mom and dad surely weren’t the best examples either.

Fortunately, there’s been a lot of psychological research into healthy and happy relationships the past few decades and there are some general principles that keep popping up consistently that most people are unaware of or don’t follow. In fact, some of these principles actually go againstwhat is traditionally considered “romantic” or normal in a relationship.

Below are six of the most common tendencies in relationships that many couples think are healthy and normal, but are actually toxic and destroying everything you hold dear. Get the tissues ready.

1. The Relationship Scorecard

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What It Is: The “keeping score” phenomenon is when someone you’re dating continues to blame you for past mistakes you made in the relationship. If both people in the relationship do this it devolves into what I call “the relationship scorecard,” where it becomes a battle to see who has screwed up the most over the months or years, and therefore who owes the other one more.

You were an asshole at Cynthia’s 28th birthday party back in 2010 and it has proceeded to ruin your life ever since. Why? Because there’s not a week that goes by that you’re not reminded of it. But that’s OK, because that time you caught her sending flirtatious text messages to her co-worker immediately removes her right to get jealous, so it’s kind of even, right?

Wrong.

Click here to find out Why It’s Toxic & What You Should Do Instead

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2. Dropping “Hints” and Other Passive-Aggression

What It Is: Instead of stating a desire or thought overtly, your partner tries to nudge you in the right direction of figuring it out yourself. Instead of saying what’s actually upsetting you, you find small and petty ways to piss your partner off so you’ll then feel justified in complaining to them.

Click here to find out Why It’s Toxic & What You Should Do Instead

3. Holding the Relationship Hostage

What It Is: When one person has a simple criticism or complaint and blackmails the other person by threatening the commitment of the relationship as a whole. For instance, if someone feels like you’ve been cold to them, instead of saying, “I feel like you’re being cold sometimes,” they will say, “I can’t date someone who is cold to me all of the time.”

Click here to find out Why It’s Toxic & What You Should Do Instead

4. Blaming Your Partner For Your Own Emotions

What It Is: Let’s say you’re having a crappy day and your partner isn’t exactly being super sympathetic or supportive at the moment. They’ve been on the phone all day with some people from work. They got distracted when you hugged them. You want to lay around at home together and just watch a movie tonight, but they have plans to go out and see their friends.

So you lash out at them for being so insensitive and callous toward you. You’ve been having a shitty day and they have done nothing about it. Sure, you never asked, but they should just know to make you feel better. They should have gotten off the phone and ditched their plans based onyour lousy emotional state.

Click here to find out Why It’s Toxic & What You Should Do Instead

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5. Displays of “Loving” Jealousy

What It Is: Getting pissed off when your partner talks, flirts, touches, calls, texts, hangs out, or sneezes in the general vicinity of another person and then you proceed to take that anger out on your partner and attempt to control their behavior. This often leads to insano behaviors such as hacking into your partner’s email account, looking through their text messages while they’re in the shower or even following them around town and showing up unannounced when they’re not expecting you.

Click here to find out Why It’s Toxic & What You Should Do Instead

6. Buying the Solutions to Relationship Problems

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What It Is: Any time a major conflict or issue comes up in the relationship, instead of solving it, one covers it up with the excitement and good feelings that come with buying something nice or going on a trip somewhere.

My parents were experts at this one. And it got them real far: a big fat divorce and 15 years of hardly speaking to each other since. They have both since independently told me that this was the primary problem in their marriage: continuously covering up their real issues with superficial pleasures.

Click here to find out Why It’s Toxic & What You Should Do Instead

 

I’m loving Mark Manson‘s work & have been on his site ever since I read this article. You’ll definitely be seeing more snippets of his work here!!

Are you afraid of heartbreak?

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contributed by Nique

You may look at that question and say, “Hell yeah, who wants their heart to be broken?” Of course no one does. But I’m not asking if you LIKE your heart being broken. I’m asking if you’re afraid of it. Are you passing up guys/girls because you suspect that the only inevitable conclusion with this person is heartbreak? Are you ending relationships too quick because you think there is no way things will ever get better and a quick escape is the best escape? Are you sticking to your significant other like white on rice because you feel like as soon as you let that person out of your sight, they will surprisingly become the clumsiest person in the world and then miraculously trip and fall “into” the first female they set eyes on, or the first man that notices your girl will lose their balance and “fall” into said girl (if ya know what I mean)? If one or all of these are true, then yes, you are afraid of heartbreak. A big ol’ scaredy cat.

The next question I pose to you is, why? Have you not had your heart broken before? Did you die from it? Did you perish? Did it inconvenience your existence on this Earth in any way? No, it didn’t. You moved on, either by learning to enjoy yourself or moved on to someone else. But then you create posts on every social media website about how “I’m a survivor”, “You didn’t break me, I’m still standing”, “I’ve been through the storm, but I made it” and a host of other statuses that lets the world know that you’ve just been through a traumatic, personal ordeal and you made it through. And then your relationship status goes from “In a Relationship” to “Single”, the famous indicator that all of those vague and subliminal statuses were about the end of a relationship, and not the fact that you just suffered a REAL issue and made it, like you know, cancer or something you could actually die from. So again, I ask why are you so afraid of it. Unless God has destined you and your soul mate to meet as soon as you become old enough to date and you guys get married and live happily ever after, then understand that heartbreak is inevitable.

And the MOST important thing to understand about the inevitability of heartbreak is that you should never experience it in the same way. You shouldn’t be as devastated as you were the last time someone broke your heart. You shouldn’t cry as long as you did when the last person walked out of your life. It’s meant to get easier. It’s meant to aid in preparing you for the world and the many types of people that you can encounter. It’s meant to humble you enough that when you do finally meet your “person”, you will be able to appreciate them all the more because you know what the world really has to offer. If you experience every heartbreak in the same dramatic, heart wrenching way, then you’re not learning what you need to learn from life and from these relationships and you will continue to be tested until you get it right.

What’s the purpose of meeting your soul mate if you’re not full and happy and ready for them when they arrive? And then 10 years down the line, you have an epiphany of who your soul mate was meant to be and how your paths have crossed and probably won’t cross again in this lifetime. But by then it’s too late. And then you misuse the saying, “If it was meant to be, then it would’ve been.” Uhh, yeah…..no. While you were wasting time and energy grieving all of these relationships and not taking the time to self-evaluate and learn from them, God placed who you needed in your life exactly where they were supposed to be. But again you were too busy not learning, that you made your life partner pay for mistakes that others have made in the past and as quick as He placed that person in your life, he took them away. You weren’t ready to get over yourself and pay attention to your blessings and your true mate didn’t deserve to have only half of you.

So stop being afraid. Live. Take chances on people. And if they break your heart, it won’t be the end of the world. Cry about it. And then get up and figure out what you contributed to the relationship that caused it to end. And how you plan to do it differently the next time. It’s just another stepping stone to make you stronger and to bring you closer to your destiny. Every person you meet can’t be the one. Let them teach you whatever it is they need to. Everyone has a purpose in our lives and everyone we meet won’t be “lifetime” people.

Stop being so scared of life and love. They won’t hurt you. They’re not the enemy. It’s the people that we choose to give that “love and life” to that hurt us. And that’s our own fault for allowing that to happen. Place the blame where it should be. Give your all and love with your whole heart, just remember to keep some for yourself. When it’s meant for you to become “one” and share your life with somebody, that’s the time to give all of yourself to another. And as they say, “Stop making permanent decisions, with temporary people”.

 

Follow Nique @20Something85

Taking a Chance

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contributed by Kaydee

We all know the nervous feeling we get when were close to the one we have strong feelings for. The situation can almost be nerve wrecking because of some many conflicting feelings. On one hand you really like this guy/girl but on the other hand you don’t want to get hurt. Past relationships have taught you to stay alert and guarded. To stay cold and stiff when it comes to love. Sad huh? But that is exactly the harsh reality of today’s dating scene. Somewhere down the line the guy you thought would never break your heart did exactly that. The girl that you tried so hard to make your own turned on you in a flash and now you’re screaming “These b*tches ain’t s*it”. Sad huh? Yet another reality we must face.

After so long you wonder when will things change for me? You start to question everything: the things you say, the things you do, the clothing you wear, the position you play, and the list goes on and on. We fail to realize, instead of trying to figure it all out on our own we need to rely on God to give us a better perspective on life. Take a step back to work on self before jumping into a relationship of ups and downs. The key is to focus on getting yourself together; working, building character, maturing, and more importantly establishing and keeping a growing relationship with God.

It’s so important to work on yourself so that when God delivers that perfect match you’re ready for the blessing. You’ll know when it’s right because everything will happen naturally and will not be forced. We have to learn how to take a deep breath and take a chance on love. We have to take the past relationships as lessons learned and do better with the present situation. You can not dwell on the past and who did you wrong and broke you heart. Just get over that before it consumes you and then you find yourself 40 and alone. I don’t know about you but that is definitely not the way my life will be at 40 years old. I know you’ve tried everything else but you have so much to gain by trusting in yourself and God.

Is your wardrobe why you’re SINGLE?

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9 Summer Trends Men Hate

(And How Your Wardrobe Is Keeping You Single!)

Trends Men Hate

We all know that men love short skirts and dresses – and thus summertime is their favorite season – but what warm weather trends do they actually despise? Sure, gladiator sandals and one-piece swimsuits are an obvious choice, but what else about this season and how women dress in it is a major turn off for men? (This story is for you single ladies out there, so please read closely! lets us peek inside the minds of men–for better or for more likely, worse!).

We took a poll of SHEfinds staffers’ boyfriends, husbands, guy friends and strangers on the streets to find out what trends men hate (and more importantly – why) to get some insight. Note: the opinions expressed by chauvinists in this article do not represent those of SHEfinds. (We LOVE ourselves a good maxi dress. Trust.) Click through the slideshow above to see the shocking results–and find out why your summer wardrobe may be the reason you’re still single. Frowny face.

Editors’ note: for some of the clothing items where the male subject could not properly identify the trend (“bug eye sunglasses” = “statement sunglasses”), a translator was used.

 

**courtesy of SHEfinds

Overcoming the Struggle Within Yourself

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contributed by Kaydee

Sometimes in life you have to be a vessel for yourself. Gone are the days of crying into your pillow at night because you don’t know how the countless bills will get paid. Gone are the days of putting yourself down thinking you are not worthy to receive God’s blessings. The days of looking in the mirror disappointed with what you see are over. The pity parties you’ve been throwing, hosting, and attending every year are gone.

Let God into your life. Let the blessings of God consume you and lift you up. If you don’t have a job; speak employment into your life. When you struggle to make ends meet; speak a blessing into your life. Kneel down on your knees and pray to God. Give him your struggles, give him your restless mind, & give your heartache to God. Watch God take ahold of your life and spill blessings all around you. For all the bad days know that God has the good days and nights just right around the corner.

It’s not enough to seek him when you are in need. Seek God when you’re having one of your best days; and even then pray for someone you know is not having as good as day as you are. God knows what makes us cry, what keeps us awake at night, what causes us stress, and what causes that annoying headache we get way too often. All he is waiting for is his one-on-one time and complete and full submission. Yes it’s scary to know that you WILL leave some behind. But we cannot hold the hands of those who decided to walk a different path. Simply put it just doesn’t work that way.

Cut those ties and move on with life. Either those people will catch up one day or wander aimlessly on the path they decided to take. It’s not as if you are writing them off, but you must take care of your life and soul before you can take on the struggles of others. In baseball don’t the players start at the home base? Well that is exactly what you must take care of first: home. Only you can decide when enough is enough. Only you can make changes in your life that you will benefit from. As young adults we will make many mistakes but with God on your side those mistakes can become life lessons. Without God those mistakes will just become another bad day, bad dream, bad reality, and just flat out a bad headache.

The Lack of Black in Fashion

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contributed by Verity Reign

Hey, darling loves! Here’s one of my recent posts to HelloBeautiful—-the definitive lifestyle resource for today’s Black woman. Enjoy!
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Why I (and Women Who Look Like Me) Am to Blame for Fashion’s Lack of Black
By: Verity Reign

It’s no surprise that when it comes to the world of mainstream fashion and beauty, our rich hues are very scarce. It’s been this way since the beginning. Growing up, I don’t remember too many brown models. As with each generation, there were a few tokens—ImanNaomi and Tyra—that were constantly recycled in fashion and beauty campaigns, as if there was a shortage of qualified Black women on the planet to choose from. Every now and then we’d catch a new face, but the buzz around her was so quiet that you barely remembered her name. In 2013, the story hasn’t changed much. #TeamBeautiful’s Ty Alexander wrote, “There is just a small list of designers (Tracy Reese, Carolina Herrera, Rachel Roy, and Diane von Furstenberg) that consistently cast black models to represent their collections during New York Fashion Week. For the most part, we are still merely tokens on the runway.” And while we appreciate these woman designers representing us on their runways, the bulk of their models are still White—which I find a bit strange since they’re all ethnic.

An article on Jezebel went as far as to break down the ethnic stats of models that walked in this year’s NYFW presentations. “Those shows presented 4,479 individual women’s wear ‘looks’ to buyers and press, representing 4,479 opportunities for a model to walk the runway or pose in a presentation. 3,706 of those looks, or 82.7%, this season were shown on white models. Asian models nabbed 409, or 9.1% of all the runway looks. Black models were hired for 270, or 6%. Non-white Latina models had 90 looks, or 2%. Models of other races wore 7, or 0.2% of all looks.” The article also lists 14 brands that felt it unnecessary to use any models of color at all: Araks, Assembly, Belstaff, Calvin Klein, Elizabeth & James, Gregory Parkinson, Holmes & Yang, J Brand, Jenni Kayne, Juicy Couture, Louise Goldin, Lyn Devon, Threeasfour and Whit.

Reflecting on the lack of Black, and color in general, at NYFW infuriates me. Considering that this enormous world we live in is mostly comprised with people of color, there is absolutely no legitimate excuse that models of color didn’t even make up 50%, or 35%, or even 20% of the runway looks. People of color came in at a pathetic total of 17.3% *blank face, side eye*. You’ve got to be kidding me! Designers certainly are to blame; and while I’d love to attack them and call them out for their lack of appreciation for brown people and brown dollars, I dare not point the finger because we’re equally to blame. I hate admitting it, but it’s true; and I’m one in the guilty number.

With specific regards to Black people, who totaled a low of 270 right after Asians with 409 (I know. I was shocked too), high-end designers flood our culture—from our closets to our Hip-Hop and R&B lyrics. Michael Kors, Marc Jacobs and Hervé Léger are some of the most commonly mentioned brands in urban culture, but when I visit each of these fashion house’s websites, I can count the models of color between all of them on one hand and I still have four fingers left over. You do the math. And the one I did count is Asian, in case you’re wondering. Unless I miscounted, which is possible due to my quick skim, or the models are extremely light skin with Eurocentric features–which is also possible due to society’s racial identity complexes, these designers don’t seem to be as into us as we are into them. There are countless others in addition to these that we love to Twitpic and Instagram, but for the sake of time and my limited word count, I won’t compile the unpleasantly long list.

You know the saying, “people treat you the way you allow them to?” Well it couldn’t ring more true in the case of beauty and fashion. If we don’t think enough of ourselves to call out designers and beauty brands for their lack of us, then we really can’t complain when we see little to no people who match our complexion on the runways—as in the case of Alexander Wang who showed one Black model of his 39 looks and Alice + Olivia who featured zero Black models of 34 looks. The time is past due for us to start taking our dollars  elsewhere until the same designers we support do a better job of reciprocating the love. There are a host of Black designers we can support who are just as talented, but working 1,000 times as hard as their counterparts to get put on. But that’s a different story for a different day.

Do you feel we are to blame for the lack of Black models and others of color on the runway? Share your thoughts!
Stay in touch and follow me on Twitter: @VerityReign

**find more articles from Verity Reign here

Personal Growth pt.2

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contributed by Kaii

In a previous article from 2012 I wrote these words:

 

My definition of personal growth consists of finding out who you really are and the person you are destined to become. It’s not easy to do of course and this definitely takes time. In order to experience personal growth you will find that some people in your life will be left behind. Not everyone will want to grow up and put childish things aside, this is where you must separate yourself in order to find yourself. Your road to success should involve only those who desire to be successful as well. People who deal with drama, hate, and negative attitudes should be politely dismissed from your social atmosphere. God did not create us in a package, we were all made separately, and separation as we all know is a part of life.”

 

Now in year 2013 I still agree with my previous statement and I have grown even more than before. I have learned to keep to myself and possibly a small number of people. I contact my loved ones on a regular basis. Well, I definitely try to. I socialize at work, keeping that to a minimum. Other than that I tend to keep to myself, focusing on establishing a relationship with my man. Also, I’m working on continuously nurturing my relationship with God.

 

It’s not about cutting people off or changing who you are. It’s about growing and transitioning, two things that we must go through in order to progress in life. The people in your life have to understand your mental grow. If they do not want to even try to understand you have to let them go. In time when they experience the same or similar phase in life they will then understand. Your mental growth is vital to the adulthood phase. During this stage in life you should have solid goals and plans to reach those goals. You should know the person that you are and the things you want in life. Having a 5 year plan can also help the transition be a smooth one.

Get Over It. It’s Not That Deep

Pinks

by: Verity Reign

Hey babes! Here’s one of my latest posts to HelloBeautiful.com–the African American woman’s online lifestyle guide encouraging healthy and fabulous lifestyle choices! This one is about getting over petty matters. One of my biggest pet peeves is when my peers, well into their 20s and 30s, hold grudges over matters that happened back in high school and college! GET OVER IT! I even share my experience forgiving a former girlfriend who tried to make a pass (lots of passes, actually) at a former boyfriend.
Be sure to leave your thoughts and follow me on Twitter: @VerityReign!
Kay, thanks for reading & xoxo!
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I try to practice forgiveness as much as possible. Not only does it align with my spiritual and moral convictions, but things just aren’t that deep! Through the years, I’ve endured my fair share of upsets and letdowns in relationships, whether by family, friend or boyfriend. Like you, I have felt betrayed and violated.

And at each of those given times, it hurt—sometimes to the point of tears and a physical heaviness in the heart. But eventually time healed the scars and I was able to move on completely. Not only could I go on with my life in peace, but I was also able to repair some of those relationships or at the very least, genuinely speak and be cordial if our paths crossed again.  Some situations pained me more than others, but for the most part, I realized that most of them just weren’t that deep!

One of my former good friends tried to get at my college boyfriend multiple times through facebook…

Click HERE to read rest of this post!
Follow me on Twitter: @VerityReign!

**Find more articles from Verity Reign at verityreign.com

Evaluation Time!!!

Pinks

Look, I know you’re busy (or like to seem busy) but when was the last time you took a step back and evaluated yourself? Well with the temps dropping & days getting shorter why not do a seasonal evaluation? At your job they log your progress to decide if you’ll get a promotion or some other type of reward so you should rate your performance to see if your being the best (insert name here) that you can be!

man in mirror

I discovered the power of the personal evaluation when I started my site. I’m moderately organized but when you start your own business or any new endeavor it’s nice to have a check list to make sure you don’t forget anything. Somewhere in the beginnings of it all I started applying it to my life outside of Blondie’s & boy what a difference!!! You can learn so much about yourself and those around you. For example if you’re unhappy a self-evaluation could help you retrace your steps to find out when things started going downhill & figure out how to fix it.

Now for those of you reading this and are thinking “Huh?! I don’t need to do all that. When I find an issue in my life I nip that s*** in the bud right then and there & move on!” Well if that’s what you’re thinking you’e either A- lying to yourself or B- a perfect being, which if so Thanks for reading my blog Jesus!!! No matter what you think it’s not that simple to jus up & change over night. Can it be done, yes but the point is to MAINTAIN THE CHANGE which is where we usually faulter.

There’s no specific time you should self-evaluate, and I honestly cant think of a wrong way to do it. Personally I like to take a warm bubble bath in low light and sit and soak & reflect on past events, relationships, opportunities, etc. After I’m out & dry I sit in a quiet room, technology silenced and write down what I can do to make myself a better, happier, healthier Blondie. -I’m not always willing to go through with running a bath so thoughts in the shower count too. Lol!

I’ll share a recent one. After some deep thought & talks with a good friend I realized that throughout my entire social life (not social media, I’m talking daycare to now) majority of my friends weren’t shit. Period. Like those friends who you have no idea why they’re your friend -yeah that’s been my life. Now don’t get it twisted, I’ve had some good friends in my life & the handful that are in my circle now are absolutely awesome! However I deserve each and every one because I’ve been a GREAT friend to some really undeserving people. When I was in high school & college my mother used to tell me all the time “I wish I was your peer because I would love to be your friend!!” That’s cause I’m the definition of a ‘ride or die’ & if I say I have your back then that’s exactly what I mean -unfortunately people attempt to use that to their advantage, take my kindness for weakness & lose one of the best friends they will ever have the pleasure to know. Now knowing that I’ve had my share of crappy friends I made a list of how I can continue being a good friend to those deserving of it and to make sure I’m not used for doing so. This list included

  • remove Negative Nancy’s
  • don’t take friends problems so personally
  • remain honest (but not spiteful/mean) at all times, true friends respect honesty

Most of the time the things I come up with I already know but writing things down helps me remember & gives me a visual. Having a detailed plan of how I’m gonna achieve each goal. For example, instead of just saying “get healthy” I’ll write “take better care of myself by drinking more water, eating more veggies & starting a workout routine that I do at least 3 times a week”. It’s not always easy to be real with yourself & critique the same person who was “too good for this s***” in the first place, but trust me you need it! Nobody knows you better than you so why not tell YOU what to do!!