Article by Miss T.N. King

Are you easily controlled by sex or are you easily in control of sex? Every day I see a growing amount of men and women becoming controlled by sex or “sexmatized”–the state of letting sex or the idea of having it control your life through your decisions, emotions & standards. Most people have been sexmatized at least once in their life. Below are some common, but not all, sexmatized symptoms:
1. If you’ve stayed in an expired or loveless relationship/situationship just because “the sex was good” or you’re sexually attached to that man.
Common Thoughts: “I can’t leave him, the sex is way too good. I’m not going to let that go for another woman to enjoy!” or “I lost my virginity to him, I’m attached and can’t leave him.”
2. A lot of women think they can change who a man is or what his intentions are by having sex with him. They subconsciously try to prove their worth and value to him through sex. If you’ve ever used sex as a way to prove or show that you’re worthy of monogamy, a date, phone call, respect, love, relationship, or just anything period–you’ve been sexmatized.
Common Thoughts: “I’m going to put it on him so good, he’s not going to want anyone else but me.” “Dang, why isn’t he pursuing me? I bet if I do this *insert sexual act/trick*, he’s going to be all in my face!” or even “I want him to be my boyfriend, I should probably have sex we him then.”
3. If you ever compromised your standards or worth for sex. 
Common Thoughts: “I usually don’t sleep with men that I’m not in a relationship with, but I’ll make him an exception for him; plus we said we made an agreement that we could only sleep with each other.” “I usually don’t do this, but *inserts exception you made for a guy*. The exception could be sex on first date, sex without a relationship, sex before marriage, one night stand, etc.
4. If you ever had sex with a “random” purely because you needed “some”. That random could be a stranger, an ex, or a guy you’re really not interested in–you just want to use his male tool as an object to fulfill your physical needs.
Common Thoughts: “Wow! It’s been 4 months, I can’t function like this. I need to get some immediately.” So you call up the “random” and arrange the booty call. And if that “random” is an ex or old sex buddy, you try to justify for actions by thinking, “Well technically I’m not increasing my number, so what I’m doing isn’t THAT bad.” FYI: You may not be increasing your “number”, but you’re increasing and strengthening the bond of an unhealthy soul tie.


A Queen has complete control over her mind, body, and emotions. She doesn’t let lust and sexual urges dictate her actions or standards. She can never be sexmatized because she has self-control. She knows her worth lies in between her head, not her legs. She will never compromise her standards to please a peasant who really has no intentions of becoming her King.

I am in no position to judge or throw stones. No one is perfect, and most of us have been sexmatized at least once, including myself. But once you understand the POWER of sex, you wouldn’t just have it with anyone. I don’t care how “unemotional” and “unbothered” you think you are. Soul ties are real, just like STDs and pregnancies.  You create a chemical and spiritual bond with every person you have sex with, and you risk in taking their DNA & diseases.

I have been abstaining from sex for the past 2 1/2 years. If I can be completely honest with you, when my last relationship ended, nowhere in my mind did I desire or think that I’ll be entering the “Sahara Desert”. I thought I would get into another relationship soon, fall in love, have all the sex I want, and live happily ever after.  My standard was: I must be in an official relationship with a man before I have sex with him.  Then I found myself occasionally getting sexmatized because I began basing my desire to get in a relationship to purely have sex and ‘consistent D’. One day I thought: “Since when do I let sex be the reasoning for my desires? If I want just sex, I can easily call someone in my phone for that.”

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